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The Pope 

and the 

New Crusade 



BY 

POLYBIUS 



7 




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The Pope 

and 

The New Crusade 



BY 

POLYBIUS 


^•" 


Os Leonis Os Petri 


(JUL 13 1 


EIS KOIPANOS E2TI2." 

— Iliad, ii., 204. 



NEW YORK 

THOMAS R. KNOX & CO. 

SUCCESSORS TO JAMES MILLER 

Si 7 Broadway 



\ 



own 



,f^ 



Copyright, 1887 
By THOMAS R. KNOX & CO. 



TROWS 

PRINTING AND BOOKBINDING COMPANY 

NEW YORK. 



I. 



THE POPE AND THE NEW 
CRUSADE. 



r. 



Philanthropic feats benign 
We relate, oh ! Tuneful Nine, 
To galvanize this sick, lethargic land and 
age! 
Scatter opulence broadcast — 
Hoodlums, cobblers at the last — 
Come, toiling crowds, participate our mission 
sage ! 



IT. 



Hidden truths shall we reveal, 
Mystic laws boldly unseal, 
Erstwhile clos'd to all misgovern'd sons of 
Eve! 
Nature's bounties spread apace — 
Cataractic floods of grace 
Perennial flow on who our craze sublime be- 
lieve ! 



The Pope and the 



in. 



Theories sophistical, 

Mephistophelistical— 
Far from pre-Adamic nations fresh imported, 

The primordial chaos 

(At the millionnaire's sole loss) 
To the poor man's balance-sheet straightway 
transported ! 



IV. 



By our potent magic wand 
We'll so reinvest the land 
Sobs and groans, like Egypt's plagues, '11 flee 
before us ! 
Then, in patriarchal ways, 
Happy lisp life's laughing lays, 
Enchanted nature disenthralls, resume the 
chorus ! 



New Crusade. 



v. 



Jovian paternity ! 
Georgian fraternity ! 
Ho ! clear the way for " The Cross of the New 
Crusade ! " 
" No Pov'rty Society " 
(Grab unto satiety) — 
Zounds ! nor land, nor light, nor — moonshine, 
by man was made ! 



VI. 



Our saving Cross — an axe, 

Our supreme law — no tax, 
Go blissful bask in sunlit bowers all life long! 

" The sanctity of labor " 

(The fair Eve's apple savor,) 
It ringeth blithely as king rooster's matin 
song ! 



8 The Pope and the 



VII. 



Bucolic creed Dianian, 

Herbaceous — all Arcadian — 
Knight-toilers iEolian evangel reverent ! 

Oh ! tender tulip teacher, 

Oh ! pretty pansy preacher, 
Archimandrite of the " unearned increment !" 



VIII. 

In the sweat upon thy brow 
(Spake the One Eternal Now) 

Curst ! shalt thou eat the bread of life till life's 
a blank ? 
Pshaw ! superstitious trader 
(Glosseth our arch crusader — 

Awry bear of Pennsylvania's mountebank ! ) 



New Crusade. 



IX. 



Ah ! grim, hybrid alliance — 
Mongrel twin-apes of science 

List ! they've seized the tail of the scientific eel ! 
Ay ! dupe brainless multitudes — 
Cads, cranks, callous spinsters, dudes ! 

Ye doom'd denizens of stern Uncle Sam's bas- 
tile! 



X. 



Ills of Capital ye fight 
(Only $75.00 per night!) 
Rome's Capitol was sav'd by half seventy 
geese ! 
To bamboozle the masses 
Go in to scalp the classes — 
Alack ! rich, poor, high, low, amuck go on to 
fleece ! 



io The Pope and the 



XL 



Swift swells big golden " divvy," 
Now sport the gay " Tantivy " 
Tally-ho ! thro' hill and dell, heigh ! Faugha- 
balaugh ! 
Sancho Panza George for "whip," 
Ev'ry mile the cheering "nip," 
Homing, wreathe the foaming bowl — in Pov'rty 
Hollow ! 



XII. 

Peter's piscatorial hook, 
Temper'd fine in Kedron's brook, 
Greek George nerv'd of old to bag the slimy 
Dragon ; 
Ha ! th' anglers of our Zion 
Fish wide of Tiber's Lion, 
Ho ! dragoon'd they drive Old Harry's mar- 
ket wagon ! 



New Crusade. u 



XIII. 

Behold the New Creation ! 

Fat, frothy declamation, 
Neoplastic, black, de-Christianiz'd Labarum ! 

Of belov'd " disciple " blest 

(Oh ! ye gods, give us a rest !) 
Ghastly shade of ghostly "Judices Cau- 
sarum ! " 



II. 

THE CRUSADER TO THE 
POPE. 



I. 



Hail, High Pontiff ! from afar 
Come I, not to carry war 
'Gainst the rock that pulverizeth kings and 
sages, 
But to fix the Pope's own eyes 
On th' abysmal truth that lies 
In great Henry George's rich-embroider'd 
pages ! 



II. 



In fact, Most Holy Father, 
You need advice the rather — 

That mere garbl'd information prepossesses ; 
Even lofty minds like yours, 
Nay, at times mayhap obscures — 

The which your countless loving sons sore 
distresses. 



1 6 The Crusader to the Pope. 



in. 



In American affairs 

There's a set of millionnaires — 
Gosh ! they want to ride it roughshod o'er 
the masses ! 

So myself and Henry George 

Weapons engineer'd to forge 
Once for all to " put a head " upon the classes ! 



IV. 



What with gross fatuity, 

Wanton ambiguity, 
Weeping millions of the people outcasts 
hurl'd ! 

Laws in fallacies founded, 

By judges base expounded, 
The whole fabric of society's imperill'd ! 



The Crusader to the Pope. 1 7 



Customs, usages clean wrong, 
Government itself a song, 
Oh ! bless this " New Crusade " — all sorrow's 
panacea ! 
Give knaves, rogues, intrig'ing swarms, 
"Their belly full of reforms ;" 
No fabl'd sucklings we of lupine priestess 
Rhea. 



VI. 



Fancy not we're quite so green 

As to worship "the machine" 
Of your singularly " mixed " administration ; 

Nor diplomatic fakirs, 

Nor toged mischief-makers, 
Can our end achieve — mankind's emancipa- 
tion ! 



1 8 The Crusader to the Pope. 



VII. 

Far more papal than the Pope, 
We'll not give the rich free rope — 

Our wage-winning hosts t' enslave on bread 
and water ; 
Rather win unique renown, 
Samsonize New York's old town, 

Hail ! Neroic, Roman holiday of slaughter ! 



VIII. 

Just to our plans pray " tumble," 

Nor be cajol'd to stumble. 
Lo ! we'll revive the halcyon days of Mother 
Church ! 

But by Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, 

If our cause you frown upon, 
We'll leave Pope, Vatican, Prop'ganda in the 



The Crusader to the Pope. 19 



IX. 



Let Rome's Pontiff understand 
Mighty Heaven made the land 
For all Noah's sons' delight and common 
glory ! 
Lest some " club " from West'rn 

shores 
Wi' rough, rugged, roofless pores — 
Tom'hawk "th' old gentleman's stove-pip'd 
upper story ! " 



X. 



Put an apostolic ban ! 

On the liberties of man ! 
In Manhattan's sea-girt citadel of freedom ! 

Harp in harmonious staves, 

With tough Tammany's brusque braves ! 
Bones of Franklin ! this is resurrecting 
Tweedom ! 



20 The Crusader to the Pope. 



XI. 

" Compensation ! — not a penny ! " 
(What ! tak'st me for a Jenny ?) 
Unto the heartless, "miscall'd owners of the 
soil!" 
Let the rich wax richer still ? 
Let the poor man tread the mill ? 
Great Scott ! it makes my blood like 'Frisco's 
geysers boil ! 



XII. 

Strong behind us are the " Knights" 
(Ahem! O'Brien's " black-eye " frights—) 
You bet they capture, sure, next Presidential 
vote ; 
Mark ! I've given you the hint, 
In this matter there's a mint, 
Your man to Washington our " wave " '11 sure- 
ly float. 



The Crusader to tJie Pope. 2 1 



XIII. 

With this choice evangel true, 
We bid Your Holiness — adieu ! 
Remember, prithee ! we are nearing fast the 
" Fall." 
Whosoever trusts in me, 
Says good-by to poverty — 
Well ! see you later on the question — 
" AFTER ALL." 



III. 

THE POPE TO THE CRU- 
SADER. 



Now, good Doctor, quoth the Pope, ( 

We can give thee no soft soap 
(As to far-famed Blarney Castle — We ne'er 
saw it ;) 
Unto us it clear appears, 
Thou art boxing thine own ears, 
While thy headless doct'ral cap — shame ! why 
so paw it ? 



II. 

Thy stale sophisms We've conn'd 

well, 
Calm, unsway'd by warping spell — 
In the empyrean vision of CHIEF PASTOR ; 
And we notify thee, hark ! 
To collide with Peter's bark 
Means, on this and yonder shore, supreme 
disaster. 



26 The Pope to the Crusader. 



in. 



In Our peerless Urban school, 
Learned'st not how to keep cool ? 
Alas ! full quick wayward urchins dodge their 
lessons ! 
Head and heart alike soon turn, 
Into scorpions that burn — 
Such reckless priests curses spread instead of 
" blessin's." 



IV. 



" Emancipate all labor ! " 

False, fribble, sly palaver — 
Crude, rancid cantWe loathe as simply bestial : 

On thy soul a golden brand, 

Hold ! bespatterest with sand ! 
Priests should soar to higher regions all celes^ 
tial ! 



The Pope to the Crusader. 27 



v. 



Why not embark in letters ? 
Break culture's iron fetters ? 
Go to sea ? or shoulder arms ? or something 
bigger ? 
Or exploit some winsome part 
In the fairy realms of Art ? 
Why descend so low to play coarse cellar- 
digger ? 



VI. 



Give up mock Theology, 
Take up Ichthyology, 
In due course, we ween, they'll acclaim thee 
Doctor Fish ! 
But within the Master's House, 
List ! no tricky, vicious chouse 
May chaos breed. Beware ! only themselves 
such dish. 



28 The Pope to the Crusader. 



VII. 

Thy extremely shallow pate 

Would depict all real estate 
As a cancer in the bowels of creation — 

Would enthrone State despotism 

Above rank absolutism 
By a weird, barbaric scheme of confiscation. 



VIII. 



Would'st depose the gang in power, 
Far viler elves t' embower, 
'Mid luscious plums of fragrant pelf and 
plunder ; 
In spurious indignation, 
Cast dust all o'er the nation, 
Ha entomb a Continent in blood and thun- 
der. 



The Pope to the Crusader. 29 



IX. 



Pray, is government a myth ? 

Rather, is it not the pith 
Of wickedness in demented men t' ambition, 

Under pretence of "reform," 

T arouse a ruinous storm, 
Then pluck th' " unearned increment " of po- 
sition ? 



God rained down upon the land, 
The sweat of thy father's hand ; 
Wretch ! when face down'r'd, cross his knees 
he spank'd thee well, 
All too soon th' old man let up — 
Christians sip the wormwood cup. 
Arise, avenger ! worm remorse ! ope gaping 
Hell ! 



30 The Pope to the Crusader. 



XI. 



Blaze th' incendiary's fuse ! 

What have murd'rous cranks to lose ? 
Without honor, credit, fortune, reputation ! 

Homes of happiness ignite ? 

Plenty, peace, and progress blight ? 
Crushing myriad guileless hearts in desola- 
tion J 



XII. 

What ! thinkest, in sooth, to sham 
That grave Mentor — Uncle Sam ? 

In loyal son, ah me ! parricidal raking! 

But We'll show, before We've done, 
Thy mental web's too thin spun — 

Thieves oft twist their own death-couch in 
halter-making. 



The Pope to the Crusader. 31 



XIII. 

Our late predecessor's feet, 
With unbounded love to greet, 
Came pilgrims from all States of great Colum- 
bia — 
To revere this See of Sees, 
They defied proud Neptune's sneeze 
(We were then a plain Archbishop down in 
Umbria.) 



XIV. 

Nay, long centuries before, 
Tell historians galore 
(Unto no nation Primal Chair deigns to pan- 
der,) 
When the jealous Portuguese, 
Fain 'd thwart the Genoese, 
Say, Doctor mine ! who drew the line ? Pope 
Alexander ! 



32 The Pope to the Crusader. 



xv. 



Nor floats abroad, unfurl'd, 
In this vast, majestic world 
(Our own undimm'd Tiara greets her lustrous 
Stars ! ) 
One flag in whose ample fold 
Pontiff, prelates, people hold — 
Such Stripes to lash the frenzied votaries of 
Mars ! 



XVI. 

Touching Mr. Buncombe George 
(Chatter-boxes must disgorge) 
'Tis writ — How keep his fingers clean that 
toucheth pitch ? 
Even school-boys understand, 
As 'twixt law and lifeless land, 
" Can the blind lead the blind" — save into the 
ditch ? 



The Pope to the Crusader. 33 



XVII. 

What alliance with the spade, 
Hath the ministerial blade 
Of Christ's generals high empow'r'd to lead 
the fold ? 
Trail the altar in the dust ? 
Burn incense to the lust ? 
Of monstrous firebrands whose sole god is 
filthy gold ? 



XVIII. 

Then beloved, erring child 

(We would breathe but accents mild,) 

Ponder deep that thrice-blest day of Ordina- 
tion ! 
When the Pentecostal Dove 
'Spous'd thy soul in hallow'd love — 

Mvstic Lamb t' immolate in clean oblation. 



34 The Pope to the Crusader. 



XIX. 

From a Pontiff's heart immense, 
T'ward all weaklings void of sense, 
To Him who purg'd of old Isaiah's lips with 
fire, 
Our best orisons ascend 
Thy odd, hircic ways to mend, 
Magdalene's tears and stout resolve thy breast 
inspire. 



XX. 

Avaunt ! Plutonic nitre ! 
Revere thy Bishop's mitre, 
See the lowly, gentle, graceful, drooping 
osier ! 
Humbly bow thy stubborn neck, 
Scandal's turbid torrent check, 
Else depart ! with deathless smart of 
PETER'S CROZIER!!! 



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